So, I am not entirely sure I should admit this, but I'm going to. I was pulled over this morning on the way to work for talking on my cell phone.
Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I wasn't driving like a crazy person, swerving or being erratic. I just happened to be on the phone in a school district. Uh, I'm not sure when that became law, but I definitely missed the fact that you can't be on your cell phone, at all, while driving through a school district. Which is why I was brazenly chatting away with my sister while a cop drove right by me.
He did an impressive U-turn and my stomach started to sink. Yup, he was coming for me. Oh, crap. I dutifully pulled over into a parking lot. Cheeseburger and I were being detained by Johnny Law.
He came to the window and it was Cheeseburger's time to shine. The police officer, it turns out, is a new parent himself. It went something like this:
Me: Good morning.
JL: Good morning ma'am. I saw you with your cell phone up to your ear. Were you aware that you cannot talk on a cell phone in a school zone?
Me: (honest gasp) No...no, I didn't. I'm so sorry.
[As I was reacting, I saw JL's eyes magnetically go straight to my fuschia-clad belly, which is now officially the size of a watermelon. It was as if CB was waving hello while his inept carrier -- me-- apologized for totally and completely breaking the law like an idiot.]
JL: [Looking back to the inept human carrier -- me] Well, I'll just give you a warning, given your condition and all. Uh, do you have your license and proof of insurance?
Me: I am so sorry. Thank you. I was just telling my sister that I could go into labor at any time.
JL: (eyes wide) Ma'am,areyouinlabornow???
Me: (realizing that he was about to go all lights and sirens and escort me to the hospital) No, no. I am not. I just wanted her to be prepared for when it happens.
JL: Okay, okay. I'll be right back with that warning.
One warning later, I learned that JL's son is eight months old, day care is a germ factory, and that he wishes CB and I the best of luck when the big moment arrives. I drove away unscathed, but with a crystal clear understanding that I need to drop the cell in the school zone. And a sneaking suspicion that I should probably take Oprah's new no cell in the car pledge.
Upon further inspection of the warning when I got to work, I saw that under "Notes," he had written:
"Gave warning. 9 months pregnant."
So, it's official. I fought the law and Cheeze won.
Hope this finds you well.
--Heather
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