and then...

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Sawyer arrived.


He was early.  We were ready.  And we are happy.

Jack is already showing the signs of being a caring and perceptive big brother.  He wanted to make sure that Sawyer liked Star Wars, and that he could have dessert if he "finished all his milk."

We assured him that one of his most important jobs as big brother is to make sure Sawyer knows about the good things in life, and that he was right on the money with Star Wars and dessert.  Because, obviously.

Hope someone has your back today.

Talk soon,
Heather

the one about Tim Curry and turning four

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I grew up in a very small place.  My county was so small it had one high school.  I went there.  

Every year, there was a talent show at my high school.  I got roped into participating in the talent show exactly once.  The year before I got roped in, when I successfully bagged out due to paralyzing fear, my friends did a performance of The Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  (More on the talent show I did get roped into later.  Or not.)

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're making me feel really old.
But you should watch this movie.  Really.

*     *     *     *     *

When Durel and I told Jack that he was going to be a big brother, we framed out how long he would have to wait in terms of milestones.  We explained that he would have Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his birthday -- and then, baby would come.

He totally got it.  And now that he is officially a four year old, he asks every single morning whether the baby is coming today.

Apparently, Jack will value punctuality in a manner that takes after Durel.  (I like it.  I just struggle with it, that's all.)

*     *     *     *     *

So, about being four -- Jack is.  We had a party, his first "big kid" party.  Unlike previous years where we had cupcakes and enchiladas and balloons at home, this year we went to The Bouncy Place.

There were friends -- Jack and his school posse are pretty tight, and they came, and they bounced.  

There were snacks, including cupcakes.  I grabbed onto my Batman theme and didn't let go, as you can see: 


And the results were fantastic.  Batman was happy beyond happy.


*     *     *     *     *

And now he's four, asking every day when his baby brother is coming, and I am in my very own Time Warp.  I haven't seen any sweet transvestites yet, but I'm telling you, I wouldn't be that surprised if I did.

And, as if I needed more proof that there is a Tim Curry/time warp kind of theme to my week, which I did not, Clue: The Movie was on the other night.

And if you have not see Clue: The Movie, go watch it right now.
I'll wait.
Hope you take a jump to the left today.

Talk soon,
Heather

wishing for adventure

Friday, February 14, 2014

This morning, the sun wasn't quite up as Jack and I left for school and work.

Jack:     Mama, is the sun still in bed?
Me:       Yes, but it's getting up.  See, the moon has gone away.
Jack:     There's a star!  Where are the rest of the stars?
Me:       Well, they're going to bed, too.
Jack:     Star light, star bright
             First star I see tonight
             I wish I may I wish I might
             Have the wish I wish tonight.
Me:       [initially speechless]  What's your wish?
Jack:     I wish ... I could go up in an AIRPLANE.  With YOU, Mama.
Me:       [melted]
Jack:     Would that be an adventure?
Me:       It sure would.  Let's talk to Daddy about taking a trip.



Hope your day is full of adventure planning, sweet moments, and wishes made.

Talk soon,
Heather

burfdays and such

Monday, February 3, 2014

When we first told Jack that he was going to be a big brother, I was concerned that he would have no grasp of time.  And that every day, he would ask us if the baby was coming.

In an effort to stave off that particular line of questioning, I explained to him that before the baby comes, he would have:  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and his birthday.  And then!  Lo and behold, the baby would come.

That has worked pretty well, except that we're down to the last "pre-baby" milestone.  And while we've been going to a lot of awesome birthday parties for Jack's buddies, I can almost see his expectations ratcheting up for *his* party.  [Ulp.]


Every day, Jack asks me:  Is TODAY my burfday?
And I reply:  No, your birthday is in about a month.  It's not time yet.
He aims to refine:  But, I'm having a party?
And I aim to please:  Yes, you are having a party.

Funny thing is that every day, I think to myself:  How many days until the baby comes?
And I reply:  A couple more months.  It's not time yet.
And I aim to refine:  But, I'm getting close, right?
And I aim to please:  Yes.  You are.

I guess Jack and I are both pretty damn excited about upcoming burfdays and such.

Hope you have something totally bad ass to look forward to.

Talk soon,
Heather

a wish

Wednesday, January 29, 2014



Perhaps they are not stars but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are happy
Eskimo Legend

Wishing you and your loved ones peace and bright stars today.

Heather

bad movies and debatable lunches

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Every city has an Achilles heel, right?  (Except London, maybe?)  When I lived in San Francisco, I realized it is pretty close to perfect.  Except for the outrageous cost of living.  Oh, and the ever-present threat of a devastating earthquake.


Austin often seems perfect, as well.  And then it's 104 in the summer and you think, "Oh, Austin is perfect except for the heat.  Well, I can go get a frozen margarita and handle that."


By January, you feel smug because you only have to read about the "polar vortex" or whatever the hell is dumping feet of snow on my sister and friends back East.  You text them, "How much snow?"  "Are you OK?"  And then you put your flip flops back on because it's Austin.

But then cedar happens.  Mountain Cedar trees pollinate from mid-December until early March, and they hit their highest levels in January.  The wind blows the pollen off the trees in clouds, and misery ensues.

Not even kidding.
If you live in Austin, just skim this because you already know all the pain.  For the rest of you, cedar means wheezing, snorting, your nose running off your face, clearing your throat and/or coughing so often that you no longer realize you are doing it, buying ONLY the Kleenex with lotion or aloe in them, and comparing notes with everyone about what you're taking versus what they're taking in case you need to switch.  (Note to self:  Buy stock in Flonase.)

When you are wheezing and snorting and 7 months pregnant, this trifecta means you are not taking your energetic almost-four year old outside as much as you should.  Because, self-preservation.  It does mean that you start exploring indoor activities with determination.

*    *     *     *     *

Jack and I went to see The Nut Job last weekend.  You know, the one about the squirrels to decide to do a heist of a nut store? 



Don't worry if you don't.  It is bad.  It is a bad movie.  Jack didn't even like it.  

Halfway through he turned to me and said, "Momma, can we go home?"

And since we were at Alamo and I hadn't gotten the check yet, I said no, but that speaks volumes, dude.

*     *     *     *     *

I tried to up my game on Monday, when Jack and I were both off for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  I took him to a "jumpy place" so that he could GET IT OUT while I was safely indoors, blowing my nose and following him around from foam pit to inflatable slide.

That was a success.  He loved it.  He GOT IT OUT.  And then, it was time for lunch.

We went to Whole Foods because I needed a few things.  And, I love eating lunch at Whole Foods.  We picked up our supplies and then grabbed food.

Jack chose some cantaloupe, a slice of pepperoni pizza, and a chocolate cookie.  Oh, and a can of sparkling water, which he calls "bubbles."

Life was good.



*     *     *     *     *


On the drive home, I was feeling good.  Accomplished, even, in that way that only the mother of a small child can feel accomplished when you've pleased them without spending one zillion dollars or losing your mind.  In that way that even involved fruit and exercise!  In that way that knows that "Nap" is the next event on the agenda and that sounds damn good, too.
A voice interrupted my self-congratulatory reverie from the backseat.
Jack:   Momma, I wanted to eat lunch AT A RESTAURANT.
Me:    (making the split-second decision to be just a tiny bit deceptive)  We did!
Jack:   No, we DIDN'T.
Me:    (Thinking - True!  Well, shit.)  Well, what do you call that place where we had lunch?
Jack:   (I swear to you he SCOFFED.)  Momma.  We ate lunch at the SUPERMARKET.
[pause]
Me:    Well, that's one of my favorite places to eat lunch.  So, I guess that's that, isn't it?
[no comment]
*     *     *     *     *
Hope your city is pretty perfect today, your movie choices are solid, and your lunch is just where you want it to be.
Talk soon,
Heather

mom, this is my girlfriend, katy

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

I just don't even know what to say about this.  


It was taken recently at the birthday party of one of Jack's buddies.  The 4 year old hostess graciously invited her friends to join her at a local dance studio where a very charming and patient dance instructor attempted to teach them a choreographed dance to the song "Roar."

You know it.  Don't deny it.

Jack knows it, too.  And he knows the words and he sings them.
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar 
louder, louder than a lion 
'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar 
He didn't dance.  But he did run around with the other dudes, get a green Fauxhawk, and pose for a picture with his new favorite gal pal, Ms. Perry.

Is that a smirk I detect?  Yes, I believe it is.

So, I just need to make peace with the fact that he's 3 1/2 going on 15, is that it?

Hope your leopard bikini makes you some new friends today.

Talk soon,
Heather

things that are OVER

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Well, 2013 is over.

Bye bye, 2013.  You were a tricky one.  

I've got some pretty big plans for 2014.  I'm not going to bore you with them or turn them into a blog feature.  Suffice it to say that having a healthy baby in April is my most significant goal for 2014, and the rest are pretty cool, too. 

Over the weekend (not really a weekend, but isn't it weird when New Years is in the middle of the week?), Jack informed us of some things that are over in his world.

(Context:  Jack's favorite color has been yellow for like a year.  When he's serious about something, you'd better be, too.  We've been in his Yellow Phase, wholeheartedly, for so long that apparently,  I was taking it for granted.)

Jack:     Yellow is OVER.  I like white now.

Me:       Really?  White is your favorite color now?

Jack:    Yes.  Yellow is OVER.

Me:      OK...

I had barely had time to wonder how long the White Phase would last, or how on earth it would work, since white is not any mom's choice when an almost four year old is involved.  Just as soon as it started, it ended.

We were at the car wash.

Jack LOATHES the drive through car wash.  Despite this, I selfishly take him with me through said car wash pretty regularly.  We talk about the water and the soap, we sing songs, we try all sorts of things to make it less scary.  But when Jack and I are out running errands, I don't tend to forego something that I really need to do because he doesn't want to do it.  I guess I'm a hard ass, I don't know.

Anyway, we went to the fancy car wash this time, which Jack loves.  He loves it because he doesn't have to sit in the car and be scared.  He likes it because they have free popcorn and benches where you can sit and watch the cars go through.  To him, there is no comparison.  Even I have to admit, the fancy car wash is pretty delightful.

So, there we were, having our snacks, when a very nice and fancy black Mercedes sedan comes cruising through the washing line.

Jack:     THAT CAR IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!

Me:       Huh?

Jack:     (in a rushed voice) Yellow is over.  White is over, too.  My new favorite is BLACK AND THAT CAR IS BLACK AND THATS MY FAVORITE COLOR!!!

Me:     Oh!  OK.  Cool.  (I mean, what are you going to say?)

It's too early for him to be entering his Goth phase.  Right?


Yes.  Perrier (which he chose) and khakis do not a Goth phase make.  OK.

Oh, also, he informed us that apples are OVER.  He likes grapes now.

Hope you make up your mind about what's over for you and joyfully embrace something new.

Talk soon,
Heather

BatChristmas, 2013

Monday, December 30, 2013

I hope you had a fantastic holiday.

We did.  In no particular order, I will remember this Christmas as the one with a lot of homemade candy, turkey, and Batman.

(Note:  I hadn't actually made fudge before.  I made it on Christmas Eve. I didn't broadcast that it was my first attempt in life at making fudge.  I attempted to vibe out an air of expertise on the matter, actually.  And it must have worked because apparently, it was quite good.  Because, compliments aside, it was eaten.)

(Note:  I am a stalwart defender of the baked turkey.  Aside from the obvious issue that fried turkey gives me flashbacks to my Torts exam in law school, which are certain to last forever in something which may or may not resemble emotional distress, I just don't see the point in the extra calories.  But you couldn't have told me that as we gobbled (intended) the fried turkey as soon as it came out of the fryer.  A point which Durel hastened to make.  I think I actually growled at him.)

As for the Batman stuff, well...


This photo has, starting at the top and going clockwise:  insane Christmas morning hair, Superman Underoos, the BatBoat, Ironman sneakers, and the Gotham City prison.  This is serious, people.


This one has, clockwise from the top:  the BatBoat, Gotham City prison, (partially obscured) BatCave, and in the center, the BatStare.


This one features Tow Mater pajamas (soon to become hopelessly uncool, I suspect), and the BatBook (which I will soon have memorized).


And, to round it out, we have the BatSmile and the BatJammies.

Also, despite the fact that Jack has never seen the Adam West Batman show, he's learned that the right thing to say when you race around your grandparents' house with the BatBoat is:  "Nananananananana nananananananana BATMAN!"

Because, how can you not?


Hope your new shoes make you feel like a superhero today.

Talk soon,
Heather

laser beams and salad bars: a pregnancy update

Friday, December 20, 2013

Every evening when I come home from work, my sweet husband greets me with two questions:

1.  How are you?
2.  How is your urge to kill?

He asks this because he cares deeply about both answers. (Out of both love and self-preservation, I presume.)  Both answers will also clue him into what we may be having for dinner, how soon I'm going to bed, and how many people I roasted with my laser beam eyes of hormonal hate that day.

*     *     *     *     *

The bump is growing.  Most of the time, I love that.  Sometimes, at the end of a long day, I know I'm already waddling, which I do not love.  

But then the bump kicks me, and I love it again, waddle and all.

*     *     *     *     *

Commentary on the size of the bump is increasing in a proportionate ratio to the bump's size.  This week, these things were all said to me:

1.  You are looking very motherly today!
2.  You wear your pregnancy very well.
3.  OHMYGOD, you are getting SO BIG!

Two of these comments made me smile with pregnancy radiance.  One of these comments made me feel hormonal hate.  I will leave it to you to decipher which comment elicited the rage.

*     *     *     *     *

Luckily for me, Jack's curiosity (in general, too, but I mean about the baby) has not reached a level where I am not sure how to answer him.

Jack:     Why is the baby in there?
Me:       In my tummy?
Jack:     Yeah.
Me:       Because that's where babies come from.  From mommies' tummies.

(Obviously, the next question could be "How did the baby get there?"  I am very glad he didn't ask that.)

(Side note:  How did that whole stork thing start?  Isn't that an odd way to get around answering the procreation question?)

*     *     *     *     *

For the record, today is a good day.  My urge to kill is not dormant, but is minimal.  The woman who bumped into me at the Whole Foods salad bar and then gave ME stink eye, while carefully placing ONE PIECE of roast zucchini in her container, next to the ONE PIECE of broccoli, could easily have been a victim.  But that salad bar is so glorious that I refrained.  Nothing ugly should happen next to that many organic vegetables.


Hope you're wearing something well today.

Talk soon,
Heather

Thursday, March 20, 2014

and then...

Sawyer arrived.


He was early.  We were ready.  And we are happy.

Jack is already showing the signs of being a caring and perceptive big brother.  He wanted to make sure that Sawyer liked Star Wars, and that he could have dessert if he "finished all his milk."

We assured him that one of his most important jobs as big brother is to make sure Sawyer knows about the good things in life, and that he was right on the money with Star Wars and dessert.  Because, obviously.

Hope someone has your back today.

Talk soon,
Heather

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

the one about Tim Curry and turning four

I grew up in a very small place.  My county was so small it had one high school.  I went there.  

Every year, there was a talent show at my high school.  I got roped into participating in the talent show exactly once.  The year before I got roped in, when I successfully bagged out due to paralyzing fear, my friends did a performance of The Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  (More on the talent show I did get roped into later.  Or not.)

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're making me feel really old.
But you should watch this movie.  Really.

*     *     *     *     *

When Durel and I told Jack that he was going to be a big brother, we framed out how long he would have to wait in terms of milestones.  We explained that he would have Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his birthday -- and then, baby would come.

He totally got it.  And now that he is officially a four year old, he asks every single morning whether the baby is coming today.

Apparently, Jack will value punctuality in a manner that takes after Durel.  (I like it.  I just struggle with it, that's all.)

*     *     *     *     *

So, about being four -- Jack is.  We had a party, his first "big kid" party.  Unlike previous years where we had cupcakes and enchiladas and balloons at home, this year we went to The Bouncy Place.

There were friends -- Jack and his school posse are pretty tight, and they came, and they bounced.  

There were snacks, including cupcakes.  I grabbed onto my Batman theme and didn't let go, as you can see: 


And the results were fantastic.  Batman was happy beyond happy.


*     *     *     *     *

And now he's four, asking every day when his baby brother is coming, and I am in my very own Time Warp.  I haven't seen any sweet transvestites yet, but I'm telling you, I wouldn't be that surprised if I did.

And, as if I needed more proof that there is a Tim Curry/time warp kind of theme to my week, which I did not, Clue: The Movie was on the other night.

And if you have not see Clue: The Movie, go watch it right now.
I'll wait.
Hope you take a jump to the left today.

Talk soon,
Heather

Friday, February 14, 2014

wishing for adventure

This morning, the sun wasn't quite up as Jack and I left for school and work.

Jack:     Mama, is the sun still in bed?
Me:       Yes, but it's getting up.  See, the moon has gone away.
Jack:     There's a star!  Where are the rest of the stars?
Me:       Well, they're going to bed, too.
Jack:     Star light, star bright
             First star I see tonight
             I wish I may I wish I might
             Have the wish I wish tonight.
Me:       [initially speechless]  What's your wish?
Jack:     I wish ... I could go up in an AIRPLANE.  With YOU, Mama.
Me:       [melted]
Jack:     Would that be an adventure?
Me:       It sure would.  Let's talk to Daddy about taking a trip.



Hope your day is full of adventure planning, sweet moments, and wishes made.

Talk soon,
Heather

Monday, February 3, 2014

burfdays and such

When we first told Jack that he was going to be a big brother, I was concerned that he would have no grasp of time.  And that every day, he would ask us if the baby was coming.

In an effort to stave off that particular line of questioning, I explained to him that before the baby comes, he would have:  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and his birthday.  And then!  Lo and behold, the baby would come.

That has worked pretty well, except that we're down to the last "pre-baby" milestone.  And while we've been going to a lot of awesome birthday parties for Jack's buddies, I can almost see his expectations ratcheting up for *his* party.  [Ulp.]


Every day, Jack asks me:  Is TODAY my burfday?
And I reply:  No, your birthday is in about a month.  It's not time yet.
He aims to refine:  But, I'm having a party?
And I aim to please:  Yes, you are having a party.

Funny thing is that every day, I think to myself:  How many days until the baby comes?
And I reply:  A couple more months.  It's not time yet.
And I aim to refine:  But, I'm getting close, right?
And I aim to please:  Yes.  You are.

I guess Jack and I are both pretty damn excited about upcoming burfdays and such.

Hope you have something totally bad ass to look forward to.

Talk soon,
Heather

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

a wish



Perhaps they are not stars but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are happy
Eskimo Legend

Wishing you and your loved ones peace and bright stars today.

Heather

Thursday, January 23, 2014

bad movies and debatable lunches

Every city has an Achilles heel, right?  (Except London, maybe?)  When I lived in San Francisco, I realized it is pretty close to perfect.  Except for the outrageous cost of living.  Oh, and the ever-present threat of a devastating earthquake.


Austin often seems perfect, as well.  And then it's 104 in the summer and you think, "Oh, Austin is perfect except for the heat.  Well, I can go get a frozen margarita and handle that."


By January, you feel smug because you only have to read about the "polar vortex" or whatever the hell is dumping feet of snow on my sister and friends back East.  You text them, "How much snow?"  "Are you OK?"  And then you put your flip flops back on because it's Austin.

But then cedar happens.  Mountain Cedar trees pollinate from mid-December until early March, and they hit their highest levels in January.  The wind blows the pollen off the trees in clouds, and misery ensues.

Not even kidding.
If you live in Austin, just skim this because you already know all the pain.  For the rest of you, cedar means wheezing, snorting, your nose running off your face, clearing your throat and/or coughing so often that you no longer realize you are doing it, buying ONLY the Kleenex with lotion or aloe in them, and comparing notes with everyone about what you're taking versus what they're taking in case you need to switch.  (Note to self:  Buy stock in Flonase.)

When you are wheezing and snorting and 7 months pregnant, this trifecta means you are not taking your energetic almost-four year old outside as much as you should.  Because, self-preservation.  It does mean that you start exploring indoor activities with determination.

*    *     *     *     *

Jack and I went to see The Nut Job last weekend.  You know, the one about the squirrels to decide to do a heist of a nut store? 



Don't worry if you don't.  It is bad.  It is a bad movie.  Jack didn't even like it.  

Halfway through he turned to me and said, "Momma, can we go home?"

And since we were at Alamo and I hadn't gotten the check yet, I said no, but that speaks volumes, dude.

*     *     *     *     *

I tried to up my game on Monday, when Jack and I were both off for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  I took him to a "jumpy place" so that he could GET IT OUT while I was safely indoors, blowing my nose and following him around from foam pit to inflatable slide.

That was a success.  He loved it.  He GOT IT OUT.  And then, it was time for lunch.

We went to Whole Foods because I needed a few things.  And, I love eating lunch at Whole Foods.  We picked up our supplies and then grabbed food.

Jack chose some cantaloupe, a slice of pepperoni pizza, and a chocolate cookie.  Oh, and a can of sparkling water, which he calls "bubbles."

Life was good.



*     *     *     *     *


On the drive home, I was feeling good.  Accomplished, even, in that way that only the mother of a small child can feel accomplished when you've pleased them without spending one zillion dollars or losing your mind.  In that way that even involved fruit and exercise!  In that way that knows that "Nap" is the next event on the agenda and that sounds damn good, too.
A voice interrupted my self-congratulatory reverie from the backseat.
Jack:   Momma, I wanted to eat lunch AT A RESTAURANT.
Me:    (making the split-second decision to be just a tiny bit deceptive)  We did!
Jack:   No, we DIDN'T.
Me:    (Thinking - True!  Well, shit.)  Well, what do you call that place where we had lunch?
Jack:   (I swear to you he SCOFFED.)  Momma.  We ate lunch at the SUPERMARKET.
[pause]
Me:    Well, that's one of my favorite places to eat lunch.  So, I guess that's that, isn't it?
[no comment]
*     *     *     *     *
Hope your city is pretty perfect today, your movie choices are solid, and your lunch is just where you want it to be.
Talk soon,
Heather

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

mom, this is my girlfriend, katy

I just don't even know what to say about this.  


It was taken recently at the birthday party of one of Jack's buddies.  The 4 year old hostess graciously invited her friends to join her at a local dance studio where a very charming and patient dance instructor attempted to teach them a choreographed dance to the song "Roar."

You know it.  Don't deny it.

Jack knows it, too.  And he knows the words and he sings them.
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar 
louder, louder than a lion 
'cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar 
He didn't dance.  But he did run around with the other dudes, get a green Fauxhawk, and pose for a picture with his new favorite gal pal, Ms. Perry.

Is that a smirk I detect?  Yes, I believe it is.

So, I just need to make peace with the fact that he's 3 1/2 going on 15, is that it?

Hope your leopard bikini makes you some new friends today.

Talk soon,
Heather

Thursday, January 2, 2014

things that are OVER

Well, 2013 is over.

Bye bye, 2013.  You were a tricky one.  

I've got some pretty big plans for 2014.  I'm not going to bore you with them or turn them into a blog feature.  Suffice it to say that having a healthy baby in April is my most significant goal for 2014, and the rest are pretty cool, too. 

Over the weekend (not really a weekend, but isn't it weird when New Years is in the middle of the week?), Jack informed us of some things that are over in his world.

(Context:  Jack's favorite color has been yellow for like a year.  When he's serious about something, you'd better be, too.  We've been in his Yellow Phase, wholeheartedly, for so long that apparently,  I was taking it for granted.)

Jack:     Yellow is OVER.  I like white now.

Me:       Really?  White is your favorite color now?

Jack:    Yes.  Yellow is OVER.

Me:      OK...

I had barely had time to wonder how long the White Phase would last, or how on earth it would work, since white is not any mom's choice when an almost four year old is involved.  Just as soon as it started, it ended.

We were at the car wash.

Jack LOATHES the drive through car wash.  Despite this, I selfishly take him with me through said car wash pretty regularly.  We talk about the water and the soap, we sing songs, we try all sorts of things to make it less scary.  But when Jack and I are out running errands, I don't tend to forego something that I really need to do because he doesn't want to do it.  I guess I'm a hard ass, I don't know.

Anyway, we went to the fancy car wash this time, which Jack loves.  He loves it because he doesn't have to sit in the car and be scared.  He likes it because they have free popcorn and benches where you can sit and watch the cars go through.  To him, there is no comparison.  Even I have to admit, the fancy car wash is pretty delightful.

So, there we were, having our snacks, when a very nice and fancy black Mercedes sedan comes cruising through the washing line.

Jack:     THAT CAR IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!

Me:       Huh?

Jack:     (in a rushed voice) Yellow is over.  White is over, too.  My new favorite is BLACK AND THAT CAR IS BLACK AND THATS MY FAVORITE COLOR!!!

Me:     Oh!  OK.  Cool.  (I mean, what are you going to say?)

It's too early for him to be entering his Goth phase.  Right?


Yes.  Perrier (which he chose) and khakis do not a Goth phase make.  OK.

Oh, also, he informed us that apples are OVER.  He likes grapes now.

Hope you make up your mind about what's over for you and joyfully embrace something new.

Talk soon,
Heather

Monday, December 30, 2013

BatChristmas, 2013

I hope you had a fantastic holiday.

We did.  In no particular order, I will remember this Christmas as the one with a lot of homemade candy, turkey, and Batman.

(Note:  I hadn't actually made fudge before.  I made it on Christmas Eve. I didn't broadcast that it was my first attempt in life at making fudge.  I attempted to vibe out an air of expertise on the matter, actually.  And it must have worked because apparently, it was quite good.  Because, compliments aside, it was eaten.)

(Note:  I am a stalwart defender of the baked turkey.  Aside from the obvious issue that fried turkey gives me flashbacks to my Torts exam in law school, which are certain to last forever in something which may or may not resemble emotional distress, I just don't see the point in the extra calories.  But you couldn't have told me that as we gobbled (intended) the fried turkey as soon as it came out of the fryer.  A point which Durel hastened to make.  I think I actually growled at him.)

As for the Batman stuff, well...


This photo has, starting at the top and going clockwise:  insane Christmas morning hair, Superman Underoos, the BatBoat, Ironman sneakers, and the Gotham City prison.  This is serious, people.


This one has, clockwise from the top:  the BatBoat, Gotham City prison, (partially obscured) BatCave, and in the center, the BatStare.


This one features Tow Mater pajamas (soon to become hopelessly uncool, I suspect), and the BatBook (which I will soon have memorized).


And, to round it out, we have the BatSmile and the BatJammies.

Also, despite the fact that Jack has never seen the Adam West Batman show, he's learned that the right thing to say when you race around your grandparents' house with the BatBoat is:  "Nananananananana nananananananana BATMAN!"

Because, how can you not?


Hope your new shoes make you feel like a superhero today.

Talk soon,
Heather

Friday, December 20, 2013

laser beams and salad bars: a pregnancy update

Every evening when I come home from work, my sweet husband greets me with two questions:

1.  How are you?
2.  How is your urge to kill?

He asks this because he cares deeply about both answers. (Out of both love and self-preservation, I presume.)  Both answers will also clue him into what we may be having for dinner, how soon I'm going to bed, and how many people I roasted with my laser beam eyes of hormonal hate that day.

*     *     *     *     *

The bump is growing.  Most of the time, I love that.  Sometimes, at the end of a long day, I know I'm already waddling, which I do not love.  

But then the bump kicks me, and I love it again, waddle and all.

*     *     *     *     *

Commentary on the size of the bump is increasing in a proportionate ratio to the bump's size.  This week, these things were all said to me:

1.  You are looking very motherly today!
2.  You wear your pregnancy very well.
3.  OHMYGOD, you are getting SO BIG!

Two of these comments made me smile with pregnancy radiance.  One of these comments made me feel hormonal hate.  I will leave it to you to decipher which comment elicited the rage.

*     *     *     *     *

Luckily for me, Jack's curiosity (in general, too, but I mean about the baby) has not reached a level where I am not sure how to answer him.

Jack:     Why is the baby in there?
Me:       In my tummy?
Jack:     Yeah.
Me:       Because that's where babies come from.  From mommies' tummies.

(Obviously, the next question could be "How did the baby get there?"  I am very glad he didn't ask that.)

(Side note:  How did that whole stork thing start?  Isn't that an odd way to get around answering the procreation question?)

*     *     *     *     *

For the record, today is a good day.  My urge to kill is not dormant, but is minimal.  The woman who bumped into me at the Whole Foods salad bar and then gave ME stink eye, while carefully placing ONE PIECE of roast zucchini in her container, next to the ONE PIECE of broccoli, could easily have been a victim.  But that salad bar is so glorious that I refrained.  Nothing ugly should happen next to that many organic vegetables.


Hope you're wearing something well today.

Talk soon,
Heather
 
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